i could almost go to pieces, but i'm not quite there yet
by augustush waters
Summary: ("You made me go mad!" -Kaya Scodelario as Effy in Skins) Thalia's never been afraid to die; it came with being a demigod :: one-shot :: T/borderline!M :: ThaliaxReincarnated!Luke Percabeth :: Title from "Broadway, Here I Come"


**Ohhhkayyy, so this might be a little hard to believe in the sense where thalia is kindasorta depressed, but since i (and most people in the fandom) see kaya scodelario from skins as thalia (and i'm proabbaly one of the on,y people who watches it) and there's a scene where effy (kaya scodelario) is in the street yelling "i'm not scared" and waiting for a spcar to hit her, and i was like "omg perfect thalia moment." I don't own PJO.**

**[i could almost go to pieces, but i'm not quite there yet]**

**["You made me go mad!" Thalia's never been scared to die; it came with being a demigod and Hunter of Artemis.]**

**Paring(s): **ThaliaxReincarnated!Luke, Percabeth (obviously)

**Warning(s): **Cussing (c'mon guys), character death, maybe some trigger, and a wittlegrindging.

**Word Count (including intro):** 1,028

* * *

_"It's not always rainbows and butterflies"_

* * *

if thalia grace was going to be honest, she sometimes hated being a hunter of artemis... and her lieutenant at that.

sure, being immortal was fun and all (except for the fact that she wouldn't be if she was killed in battle or fell in love with a boy, but she got to live forever), but she just wished she could've done what other normal teenagers did.

two hundred years after she first became a hunter, and she was still fifteen. she wanted to experience what other teens did: party, have fun, fall in love... maybe experiment with a few drugs.

but she couldn't bring herself to do that. not after what happened to zoë nightshade and bianca di angelo.

especially not after artemis herself asked her to be her new lieutenant, in front of the other olympians.

* * *

percy and annabeth and the rest of the seven were immortal now. and luke... well, he was in his, second, she thought, reincarnation.

percy and annabeth still stayed in their sixteen-year-old form, and thalia was angry.

she, technically, couldn't be sixteen (in reality, she was actually two hundred fifteen, but not sixteen), and she wanted to be.

* * *

thalia was always stuck in a limbo.

since she was fifteen, she was still (legally) a kid, and when people usually turn sixteen, it'd mean adulthood (almost).

thalia was stuck between cotton candy clouds and the galaxy- childhood or adulthood- and she knew if she chose to stop being a hunter, she'd (most likely) not become a god (immortal, whatever) like percy or any of the seven.

* * *

then one night she's leaving the hunters, just for a few hours, she says, to go to a nightclub.

she doesn't look like a kid, but she doesn't look like an adult, so she finds a guy and has a fake ID made and sneaks into this club.

if she was going to defile artemis, it might as well have been with a bang.

* * *

she's grinding with a guy- who doesn't look like an adult either- that has this caramel-colored hair and grey-blue eyes and is very... well-endowed.

the guy groans and she realizes she doesn't even know his name, but she doesn't think she needs to._ "thals..."_ the guy mutters, his erection poking into her back, and he doesn't even know he's said her name.

she tenses and she knows who this is, so she runs to the bar, grabs her jacket and dashes out.

thalia's found him (finally) and she's just gone and left him, because that's what good friends do; they don't their reincarnated friend them take advantages of their hunter of artemis (formerly) best friend.

and then she's crying because she's found the one person she's been needing to see for the last two hundred and eighteen years.

* * *

_"Now I'm falling, baby, through the sky, through the sky I'm falling, baby, through the sky It's my calling, baby, don't you cry, don't you cry I'm falling, now, through the sky"_

* * *

it turned out reincarnated luke was a demigod, too; a child of apollo, and thalia's pretty sure the god already knew that reincarnated luke was going to pop out of this woman's womb.

it's a secret rendezvous between the two of them and when phoebe catches thalia sneaking out, artemis is furious.

then they're on top of a ledge, the same one annabeth fell off of when she was thirteen, and thalia is creating a storm.

"thalia!" she hears reincarned luke yell. "come down so we can talk to you!"

she's shaking her head as black streaks run down her face (she's been wearing makeup lately) and her arms are held out at her sides, holding the storm she's on top of together.

artemis is there and she's pleading for her to get down. it's raining and there's lightning and the sky is grey. all of them are wet and thalia's hoping that when she falls, it'll happen quickly.

"tell everyone i'll miss them!" thalia yell-mutters and lets go of that ridiculous (but epic) storm that's keeping her up. and then he's catching her by the hand- reincarnated luke.

"i'm not scared!" she yells over the roar of the water and skies. "i don't deserve you or the hunters! just let me go!"

"no!" he says, hair whipping his wet face and only then she realizes he's crying. "i remember now..."

she can only smile a painful smile that's filled with everything she's feeling- hope, guilt, sadness, happiness...

"i'm sorry..." she says and uses her free arm to twist the arm he's using to hold her. then she's falling.

"no more cotton candy clouds." she whispers as she plunges into the white water below her. she doesn't want to hold her breath or try to swim because she's making the adult decision right now.

she's letting herself die...

she's choosing the galaxy over the cotton candy clouds.

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